now let the day just slip away so the dark night may watch over you...Nocturne

its quiet.
quiet in a very un-quiet sense, if you get my meaning. you know, like those silences where you just wish something would drop and shatter on the floor? silences when Secret Garden should be playing in the background, reflecting the emotions broiling within your heart.
its amazing how they do it. The secret garden musicians. everytime i listen to their music, it seems to bring into a whole new place-- sad yet full of emotion. it calms the storm that rages in my mind, a storm i fear i cannot tame, for it is too violent to come into my wield.
parents don't understand.
it's so common, but it is true. they think that just because they are older, and more experienced, and so-called "wiser" in the ways of the world, they think they understand everything. they just aren't open to changes in the world. the fact of it is that they DON'T understand. they don't understand that the world is changing, and that it wasn't what it had been in their time. the timeline is different, and they an't ecpect everything to halt and suit their purposes. they have to stop, and think, am i adapting or am i stagnating?
most often, they will think they are adapting. they always do. you see, that's the big problem with grown-ups. it's as though they have all the power. at least they think they do. they think they're right--always. they have this extremely annoying attitude which is like they have done so many things in the world, made so many sacrifices, and now you owe them your life and are forever indebted, or something. that's what i detest most about adults and parents. self-righteousness. they act as if everyone should bow to them because of their vast collection of years. and when someone younger voices his opinions or tries to correct them, they take it as an insult. they think young people are too inferior and superficial to be of any worth listening to.

did jesus not say, let none despise your youth?

you see, it all boils down to pride. the older generation has--evidently-- more of it than the younger generation. of course, most people would object violently. but that is simply looking on the surface of most brash, cocky youths. yes, they do seem more proud than the silent and severe older generation. but have you actually thought and onserved deeper than that?
you see, despite their brave and confident bravado and winning smiles, youths have very little self-esteem. they act as if they do, because they want to hide it--to seem brave. many of us are that way, myself included. but look deeper. deeper than the cavalier grins.
look closely at the face of a teen who has done badly in her examination. she will whine in an insincere, something along the lines of "Haiz, i did so badly..." for about five minutes. then he or she will start talking to everyone else, and joke and laugh it off, as if it were nothing--life goes on kind of thing. but next time you see that, be sharp and observe. you can see the wryness of the grins, the stab of pain in the eyes, maybe even a small, slight cringe. look very very deep. those smiles are forced, pained even. they say they don't care. inside they fight back torrents of disappointment.

look at one of the older generation. when they do badly, they do not cry. they nod and swear to work harder, but they do not express anything. because they feel only room for self-improvement. there is pride in them, which can be positive or negative-- pride that drives them to work harder, or pride that makes them feel superior to the younger ones.

can you not see the dofference?

grown-ups don't understand. it is extremely obvious. they say we are pampered-- we never had to work hard, to live hrough horrid conditions, to toil in rice fields. but what are those? in the realm of the physical. what they cannot see is the emotional bruises and cuts we have undergone. everytime a bad mark comes by, we fight for control over our emotions. we try hard not to snap under the pressure of achieving the best, being the greatest, proving our worth. we strive to fit into the society, not to be a loser, an outcast. we fight for survival, for our take on the cake of life. we grit our teeth and push through low times of our lives. we almost break when coping with the many many things which bombard our minds. and we still have to keep patient, to try and explain why we do certain things to a group of oldies who can't understand. we still take time to try and accomodate. but they don't see that. they only see us throwing our weight around, not doing anything. thye blame us when things go wrong, and they are always correcting us, because we're always wrong. the veyr idea of how badly we are scarred in our hearts has never crossed their minds.

physical wounds can heal with help. but how do you treat a hole in the heart? how do you nurse a slash in your spirit? and yet we push on. we do not give up and we push on.
so why is it we are repeatedly described as pampered and spoilt, when they have never seen what it is like, how ugly the world is to us. hw we pull through and endure, some more than others. yes, they may be stronger and resilient in body, but i believe that the youths of today have far stronger and ruggard spirits than those of decades before.

why then,do they condemn us and our ideals so?