dumdeedummm...
*stares*
oh look, someone's actually reading! NOT.
right okayokay.
my life is officially almost completely sucky. i'm going to fail chinese oral. i coudn't think of a damn thing to say. and i came in 14th for 2.4 dat is such a disgrace. i mean i was slower than aruna n shirlyn n grealdine...liyk wtf. dat is HUMILIATING. a grand total of 14:51. 10 secs short of an A which is equally humiliating. i dunno where to hide my goddam face. i deproved 10 places. wth. seriously shitty. maria n i were like, so gonna take the 2.4 again. and get a bloody A.
other crap which made my life crappier this week. i hjavnt finished study plan thingy. i have a grand total of.....1 1/2 hours!!! *jumps off cliff*
which leaves me with a lovely sum of....
13 1/2 hours!!!
to complete by monday.
so i hafta study 6hours tmr and monday.
yippee.
wonderful life.

some things which were decidedly less pissing. gen came to HoGC today! nice to have her back again *nods* got new hp....ermm...slacked alot...wrote quite a bit of the story. yeah dats all im feeling positive abt right now. arh bloody hell. have tuition tmr. completely no mood. and all my tests... hais...crappy.
ok.
im sorry nice kind wonderful generous forgiving merciful allofdeabovearenottrue world.
but unfortunately,
im feeling damn pissed off.

i am surprised. and somewhat freaked out.
some uncanny things dat happened today which made fe Extremely Freaked Out....

1. i got 22/30 for dat trig test i was almost 100% sure i was gonna fail
2. some of us got asked 2 send in entries for Chicken Soup, winner gets money. Theme is A Courageous Act (insert diao here) interestingly misstan bothered to ask.
3. Miss Tan mentioned gundam and anime during english today!! W00T!! ale n i were like ASRAN!!!! AEGIS!! STRIKE GUNDAM!!! XD
4. i can go to the lib if i finish some crummy math stuff by 4.30
5. we watched Day After Tomorrow during geog!! okay i've already watched it before but theres a nice sumgness u get when u noe something everyone else doesnt ^_^
6. Kifth Asnar has a costume!!
7. laoshi gave us till mon to do our zuowen. unfortunately deres chinese oral on friday and i am 100% dead since my brain works on a english-to-chinese translator

on de other hand deres an entire bunch of gritty stuff dat made me damn bloody pissed off today. and i reiterate, with all sense of the phrase, damn bloody pissed off.
shirlyn sim i will murder u!! dat gurl arh...cant make up he rmind if she wanna come for youth or not. shirlyn is a fusspot!! all in favour say aye!!
AYE!!!
and guess wad. another Kavya issue on de way. can u believe she asked me today, "why is it you have been avoiding me lately?"
*sweatdropdiaodotsdies*
im like, well no DUH has it ever occured to your puny undernourished brain dat perhaps dis is all intentional, as in on purpose, as in I MEAN IT and deres a PERFECTLY SANE REASON for it???!!! i dint answer and took a sudden interest in yani's hair and a track meeting i was assumedly "late" for. oh da cheek shes got!!! its sickening i tell thee!! in case u dont know miss kavya prissy-puss-foot-im-so-goody-goody-all-e-teachers-love-me is de most extra idiotic moronic imbecilic intellectually challenged extensively dysfunctional sycophantic boot licking saccharine mouthed showy bitchy snazzy arrogant pussy footed big mouthed faggoty fake wannabe action mouth-the-size-of-the-atlantic-ocean lump of immovable substance i ahve ever encoutnered and she is asking me WHY AM I AVOIDING HER.
u noe, somehow i think the answer is vaguely OBVIOUS.
i mean wad do i look like, ur friend? i can avoid u ANYDAY I WANT U PIG FOOTED TOMATO BRAINED SLOB!!!!!
so GET OFF MY CASE and LEAVE ME DE BLOODY HELL ALONE.
stop CLINGING disgustingly to me like some kind of ectoplasmic LEECH.
i DO NOT, i repeat, making it as monosyllabic as possible, DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU...
so please, prithee SHUT YOUR SCREAMING HOWLER
and stop SUCKING UP TO ME BECAUSE MY SHOES ARE ALOT CLEANER WITHOUT YOU PROSTRATING OVER THEM.
thus i conclude my lovely little rant, that kavya should just kiss my ass. oh no wait, perhaps dat's not the best thing. i stand chastised-- kavya should just kiss an ass's ass.

I HATE YOU I LOATHE YOU I WANT YOU GONE FROM THE FACE OF THIS EARTH I DO NOT WANT YOU TO KEEP BUGGING ME I CANT STAND YOU LICKING MY BOOTSOLES ANY LONGER BECAUSE THEY'RE BEGINNING TO STINK SO PLEASE--FOR ALL THE SAINTS IN HEAVEN-- TAKE YOUR SICKENING SACCHARINE FAGGOTY ACT SOMEWHERE ELSE PLEASE BECAUSE YOUR CURTAIN CALL IS OVER, DARLING DEAL WITH IT FOR JACK THE DEVIL'S SAKE!!!!!!!

ok. dat was seriously mean. but tell me pls WHO GIVES A BLOODY HELL DAMN. 

*waves wooden sword*
FEAR NOT!! THY SALVATION DRAWS NEAR!!
muahahahahahaa......
when i say something like dat it can only mean i am....*dumdumdumdeedummm*
INSANE!!!
yippedaadaayippeedeedeeedahyippeedadaaayippeeyipeedah!!
^_________^

*giggles insaniacally*
ahhh!!!!!!! i am MAD RaVING STRAK LUNATIC PSYCHO SICK HYPER ENTHU CRAZY INSANE DOGGONE
heehee....
ohh lalalala....i like bunny wabbits and butterflies!! and also big huge GUMMY BEARS!!
i want the world to be a huge GLOBSTOPPER..!
the rainbows shall be all my AIRHEADS!!
the clouds will be ivory mint BUBBLEGUM!!!
i command dat all treees grow upside down and have twenty thousand colours on their roots!!!!
^__^
may sakura trees grow on every street and white feathers dot the sky!!! we'll eat cotton candy all day and lie in fields of paper flowerss!!! the sky will be a sea of cool blue sweetness and the air shall be tainted with the smells of every sweet in existence!!
chocolate cakes and mushrooms and eclairs and sprinkles and m n ms and crepes and ice cream and movies all day!!
oh come along to the land of Things Not Sane!!!
where Fedora ruless as Queen of the Things Not Sane!!
all hail Not Sane Fefe!!
*throws huge packs of gummy worms from marzaban chariot*
May YOu All Drip With Caramel And Icing Forever And Ever Amen!!!!

^__________^"

i....
i can't think anymore.
i sound loony.
i'm feeling like a complete flop.
i can feel the depression again. that monstrous jet black smoldering coal shadow. eating up my soul....
i'm falling over the edge.

i feel weak. physically so as well. my muscles are bunched and aching. so much homework i have left to do. no inpsiration to write..feeling so dry and hollow.
why do i always feel that way? and there are so few people who seem to care, who understand.
wei sheng. thank you so much for the gift and being patient. you have no idea how much it means.
maria. you understand and you see all the things i see. i never thought anyone else would know.
gen. wish you were here. i love you too.
nat. i want to run over to your house and sit in your room, and talk about things until late into the night.

have i disappeared yet?
is it time for me to go?
angel can you take my hand now
and tell me what i already know
can i tell you all my secrets?
how i fall into the sky
can i show you where my scars are
can you give me wings to fly?
you smile at me in the darkness
and my heart feels turned to ice
why am i here dear angel?
or are you in disguise?
into the maw i tumble
great teeth like iron spears
the depths of hell shall open
the heavens litter its tears

im falling...falling into a sleep. and i shan't think i will ever wake again.

i had a weird day today. ast period was funnest, cuz it was lit and amira n ale n shir n me were in one grp. we crapped totally, and instead of tokkin abt e barnett store in Roll of Thunder we tokked about guides stuff n my spiffy arty words lolX!! haha...XD right. anyway all we did was write the heading Barnett Store. nice right? lol.
actually feel more hyped, tho had PE today-- ran 4 rounds for NAPFA. timing damn bad. 9min 22sec. i gonna fail lors. felt so tired n sluggish, and was running wif a certain someone i won't mention the name of, because im gonna say alot in this post. she will just be She. anyway, She is great. thats all i can say.
she kept on asking me to sprint faster when i wa sin front of her, and i guess i kinda did. i wanted to thank her but i felt like i was breathing toxic air after i finished. She was pretty upset about her timing i think. i told her to try harder during napfa but it didn't seem to help much. i felt kind of bad leaving her alone n going off with ale. dunno why. i kept on feelin like asking Her if she was alright, but somehow i had no guts to. i think i'm too busy being tough gal dat maybe my heart has really turned to ice. my mouth has dats for sure. i felt quite..guilty..i have absolutely no idea why im feeling guilty over her. She isn't like a best friend, just an okay friend, and she has tonnes of he rown friends. somehow. i dunno. im going a bit insane i think, but i felt that way so strongly i had to write it here, against my better judgement. if anyone reads dis n noes who im tokkin about, please, i beg you, be quiet about it. i don't want her knowing.
i think my persona has gone haywire.
feeling bad about some thign that isn't really my fault. but when i didn't do it, i felt like i had just told God no to his face or something. which leads me to think dis scary thought...could He have been telling me all dat all along? it scares me. i don't understand the guilt and emotions i felt but i think i really did the wrong thing. so much for my survival. i think it's cost me more thna i admit...

so a silent prayer goes out to Her. i hope She gets better. i've always felt this about her-- you noe, its just soemthing u can sense about people-- dat she's missing something. im rambling but i'm coming out honestly about all this, cuz i've hidden it too long. when i look her there's an intense loneliness about her i can't describe. i see her with her friends and think, nah, im imagining things. but when i look at her. there. the feeling comes back.

i may be extremely sharp or extremely mad, and i do think its the latter. but still i'll say it clean. i hope She finds what She's looking for. Because whether She noe sit or not, She's lookign for something. God keep her Soul.

whoa.

i redid my blog again. and its in another shade other than black XD....how's it look? i think the music suits it well. Nelly Furtado, Try. i wa slooking for Forca, but heck. i got it to work. sorry if i din link u, i had a complete revamp ^-^ heehee...
anyway, i finished reading Homeward Bounders by Diana Wynne JOnes!! it was an awesome book i tell ya. quite a sad ending also. great storyline and i like helen <3.....haha. now i hafta finish reading 4 chpts of lit 4 the test tmr...*sobs* dun haf much time. my mum wants me to do some maths....bleghs. 4hours today. hav half an hour to finish four chapters!!! ahhhhhh...Roll Of thunder can really be a bore.

kaze is buggin me to write my first chapter of the collab fic. =P. i hav lots to juggle. he's been having dreams abt arael lately. crazy dude. quentin is lingering at e back of my mind. right now im thinking about thel as a homeward bounder XD....thel is still my love!! Thel Blackdove Forever!! (ps, i do not feel traitorous saying dat)

i'm beginning to sound like remy lebeau aka Gambit. im turning cajun! arh! haha...well i do love cajun food. and dat xtreme xmen issue is awesome. u noe how i fall for triads an business like dat easily...XD....haha. gambit rules!! okayokay. i'll quit it now.
off to read roll of thunder. hopefully i can finish and hav a nice break. parents out to see cars..XD.
and sheng ish getting better at cging by de days. n i havnt cged since de hols. damn. and also, chinese oral next friday!! *swears* and science prac on monday! *swears again*

my life is feeling very high strung. enterprise on friday too....got an okay job. but i dint draw dem damn posters. god. i think i'll be dead by de end of next week....
okay. relax. chill. strong. never falter.
survival.
you'll never know how lonely it feels.

INFERNO FIRE
 
XD
 
jus had cg....and we were all speaking in tongues. i got a study prorgramme..2 hours a day! dats a big feat for a slacker like me...heehee. but i hafta jainchidaodi. err...persevere all the way! ahoy cedarian spirit!
*rolls eyes*
rightyo.
anyway today we were discussin enterprise....went ard running like a mad gal looking for pre orders of creeps..errr craypes...haha! dman fun. hafta get them posters done by tmr!!!! yesh if not amira will skewer me >.<
yikes.
sleepy time.
God is wif me for my oral tmr ppl! rmb me in prayer!

It's officila!!
 
im serious! One Piece, Jim Hawkins and X men are on my list of Fedora's Most Obsessed Stuff this season! ^__^
 
heehee...really...the song i uploaded is Run Run Run by Otsuki Maki from the One Piece ending...and i jus got Ultimate Xmen 1 and little jimmo has been dominating my DA faves of late...strange? totally! so here are dis season's updates...i'll updated u when de season ish over..hahaha =D
 
Top 10 cool guys
 
+Jim Hawkins, Treasure Planet
+Zoro, One Piece
+Brandon Heat, Gungrave
+Pietro Maximoff, X Men ev
+Cloud, Advent Children
+Riku, Kingdom Hearts
+Sora, Kingdom Hearts
+Robert Langdon, Angels & Demons
+Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter
+Alucard, Hellsing
 
Top 10 awesome gals
 
+Cagali, Gundam Seed
+Captain Amelia, Treasure Planet
+Lacus Clyne, Gundam Seed
+Yuna, Final Fantasy X&X2
+Tifa, Advent Children
+Reika Mishima, Rahxephon
+Meia Gisborn, Vandread
+Rei Ayanami, Neon Genesis Evangelion
+Lirael, Abhorsen
+Sophie Neveu, The Da Vinci Code
 
ORIGINAL CHAR. OF E SEASON
 
+Quetin Dreamcraft
 
haha....
 
well...wad can i say? i just read an email form nat recently. she talked about her church camp and it sounded like tons of fun...im feeling jealous and i wish i were dere in auckland too! i never realised how mcuh i missed them till now. suddenly..the feleing of emptiness and being alone seems so strong.
snap out of it fe.
survival. there isn't space in life for your petty emotions. get on with it.
no weaknesses. no mercy.

Our lives=The Calling
 
Is there love, tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've got to believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here
...Oh, yeah...
 
CHORUS:
Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...
 
See the truth, all around
Our faith can be broken
Our hands can be bound
But open our hearts
And fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop usI
s it not worth the risk?Y
eah, is it not worth the risk?
...No, yeah...
 
CHORUS
 
And even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...
 
We can't go on
Thinking it's wrong to speak our minds
I've got to let out what's inside...
 
Is there love, tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, can we get it right?..
 
CHORUS
 
And even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...
 
Oh, yeah, let's make the best out of our lives...
Oh, yeah, let's make the best out of our lives...

.....hello there. the angel from my nightmare....
 
a long needed update.
thanks everyone for makin me feel better when i was sick. now i'm back to normal.
this layout gave me a grandmama headache. seriously.got the music link to work at last. it's perfect by simple plan...most people should noe. ^.^
er yes. school's gettin pretty hectic. got a change of math teach so tay is gone for a week. unfortunately some broing old fogey has taken over. damn. can't they get good teachers?
anyway, mrs tan is on MC for an op so miss theng is takin over science. she's okay i guess but i want mrs tan back...
i've got eng oral on tues. and a lit test on thurs and i haven't studied for either. this whole weekend has been pretty broing. had youth yesterday. pst lia was preaching on gratitude. great sermon....really brought out the imptance of being thankful...
today is gonna be boring. study. chiong. oral prac. lame.
ONEPIECE!!
*jigs round room*
ZORO!
*glomps plushie*
heehee.
i wish i had a zoro plushie tho....^^which reminds me how much drawings i got piled up and fics i owe. got one gift i owe Dom, gen's bdae pic, Thel, Quentin Dreamcraft, Collab fic wif sam, the Story.......damnit man. my muse is being sucked dry. its about to wither and die on the floor. *pats muse and pours a bucket of water*
 
hehs. right. on top of dat i got 4 chptrs of roll of thunder to read and eng oral. I HATE ORAL. stupid meaningless rubbish. haiss.....staring at captain jack sparrow's face on my POTC vcd...XD....i watched it yesterday. and sheng ish showing me his painter-ps style XD.....
mmm....i want a jim hawkins layout!
treasure planet is eating my insides haha....JIM RAWKSS....^.^
anybody can help me do a layout..u noe webdesign html whizzes out dere?? x3
 

...and when the world is on its knees with me it's fine...and when i come to your rescue i get nothin but left behind...

i'm feeling like shit.
having a fever. back aches. throat hoarse.
damn.
cg yesterday night. air con too damn cold. face was red. fever. headache. devil drilling ten thousand o.1mm jackals and cassuls through my brain. using a triton to spear my head. burn. sear. ash. dust. pain. numbness.

cold. so cold.
alone. cant eat. wont sleep.
if i had another shot at it all.
would i do it just the same?
so much weighing on my mind. the world is dizzying.kaliedoscope, swirling nebula of abysmal black. smoke and grey.

tryin so hard to be someone i'm not.
i forgot who i am.
tried to fill my emptiness.
and now it's all spilled over.

i got the spider man2 soundtrack! hehe it rawks....yayness....im supposed to be doin work now but who gives a damn.
im gonna go draw soon.
feeling weird. a bit pissed. hate school.
hate everything about life.
depression.
insanity.
self loathing
hatred
despair
muderous
blood
empty
hollow
dark
cold

alone.