i had a weird day today. ast period was funnest, cuz it was lit and amira n ale n shir n me were in one grp. we crapped totally, and instead of tokkin abt e barnett store in Roll of Thunder we tokked about guides stuff n my spiffy arty words lolX!! haha...XD right. anyway all we did was write the heading Barnett Store. nice right? lol.
actually feel more hyped, tho had PE today-- ran 4 rounds for NAPFA. timing damn bad. 9min 22sec. i gonna fail lors. felt so tired n sluggish, and was running wif a certain someone i won't mention the name of, because im gonna say alot in this post. she will just be She. anyway, She is great. thats all i can say.
she kept on asking me to sprint faster when i wa sin front of her, and i guess i kinda did. i wanted to thank her but i felt like i was breathing toxic air after i finished. She was pretty upset about her timing i think. i told her to try harder during napfa but it didn't seem to help much. i felt kind of bad leaving her alone n going off with ale. dunno why. i kept on feelin like asking Her if she was alright, but somehow i had no guts to. i think i'm too busy being tough gal dat maybe my heart has really turned to ice. my mouth has dats for sure. i felt quite..guilty..i have absolutely no idea why im feeling guilty over her. She isn't like a best friend, just an okay friend, and she has tonnes of he rown friends. somehow. i dunno. im going a bit insane i think, but i felt that way so strongly i had to write it here, against my better judgement. if anyone reads dis n noes who im tokkin about, please, i beg you, be quiet about it. i don't want her knowing.
i think my persona has gone haywire.
feeling bad about some thign that isn't really my fault. but when i didn't do it, i felt like i had just told God no to his face or something. which leads me to think dis scary thought...could He have been telling me all dat all along? it scares me. i don't understand the guilt and emotions i felt but i think i really did the wrong thing. so much for my survival. i think it's cost me more thna i admit...

so a silent prayer goes out to Her. i hope She gets better. i've always felt this about her-- you noe, its just soemthing u can sense about people-- dat she's missing something. im rambling but i'm coming out honestly about all this, cuz i've hidden it too long. when i look her there's an intense loneliness about her i can't describe. i see her with her friends and think, nah, im imagining things. but when i look at her. there. the feeling comes back.

i may be extremely sharp or extremely mad, and i do think its the latter. but still i'll say it clean. i hope She finds what She's looking for. Because whether She noe sit or not, She's lookign for something. God keep her Soul.