okay
i need to ice down a bit,cuz i think today i have way too much emotions. i'm feeling agry and sad and depressed and shocked and shaken and happy and hyper and really really really lonely.
which is worst??
i have no idea. im feeling veyr wrong and confused. i cant even think straight for more than one second. im dead serious about dat. i couldnt even think when misstan gave us dat damned info report. and when i was copying science i kept writing voices instead of wires.
oh god in heaven wad de hells happening to me....
i feel sad i guess. first of all.
alethea is goin vjc....cant stand it how m i gonna live nex year?? not lyk i got alot of christian anime pals. cant name another other than alyssa n nat. my life is takin a huge plunge. i know dat i should be happy and all, but everyday shes always saying im goin vj next year! i dun need to do dis and dat and put up wif dis and dat. and i always smile adn say yeah, u're life is gonne b awesome im sure you'll have a great time. and its really hollow and i think she knows it, cuz whenever i say it i feel so damn lost and alone and sad all of a sudden. and i get reminded of it every damn day. it makes me feel so empty...loosing another fren after nat n nigel...
and tim is movin to brazil end year. damn. why is it dat whenever i start gettin to noe someone dey get pulled away like hell from me. and brazil....oh god brazil...and i dun think i'll see him anytime soon.

angry. gleaming white anger.
i hav no idea why. i noe i shldnt b mad at tinetine for using my table dis morning, but for some unknown reason i jus felt all dat hate and emptiness broil over, and i felt like yelling at her to move her ass. i think i was being a real bitch all day, but i couldnt help it. dere was just too much for me to keep hidden and it was all coming close to spilling. there's no one i can just start sobbing to and it feels so lonely again....

surpsrised shell shocked.
glenn is dep head prefect. how can dat flamin dumbass of a bakayarou be dep head??? hes totally slack and corrupted and i completely wanna murder him..its disgraceful to all de dao ppl on earth dat hes being a dep head. and on my way home from school i saw a motorcyce somersault in the air. this car cut in front of him and he lost control. whole bike when swivelling and he got thrown onto the ground....he wasn't hurt or anything but i was damned scared. or maybe chilled was de right word. i jus looked out my window wif huge saucer eyes and stared. i felt so...dead? in a way i was sure if he had been hurt i'd have strated crying...maybe it was because of an extra blow on top of everything else inside...but i was feeling both dead and pained...i cant explain it really...

i just feel so burdened. eveyrthing is like a drag. and the most frightening par tof it is dat i dont wanna cry or sob or yell or complain or whine or even so much as spit on the ground. and i think wad freaks me out most is that i look at the death the hurt the pain the loneliness....
the way ppl leave..
my frens goin away
the hollow feeling
the drakness creeping around me.

and all i did was stare at it, lean back on my chair and laugh.