everybodehh sing nahhnahahanannaananananahnanahhhnananananAHHH
^__^
hahahas. okay how can you BLAME ME? i'm on sugah high baybehhh. its 6.40am and im actually awake XD
seriously..i had the strangest dream last night. something that gave me an idea for a new fic...!! all people go AHHHH!
AHHHH!!!!!
okok. im getting out fo hand nyah...~ wells anyway the idea ISSSS *dumdumdumdumdumdeedummmm*
SLICKRACING!
*dances*
yes slickracing. its a sport i created haha. about racing on icy terrain with motorcycles that have double blades as well..snow mobile+nascar. WOOT. ^__^ dunno how ic ame up wif dta in de first place...just started writing and the idea popped up. i remember samuel telling me to write a mecha fic..i didn't realise i compacted the mecha until he told me XD hahas...but i think its an ineteresting idea..i hardly write these type of stuff. everyone's gonna be damn pissed at me though, for starting ANOTHER fic. lollx. i scrapped the Luka one already, and i worked a bit on Shell. now its SlicRacing thats gonna take over my life!!!
Fear Teh Jaded Sable X, Nikki's racer!!!!
yayyyy..
okay im like totally crap rite? I suddenly wanna go watch this OLDOLDOLD cartoon called Fern Gully..anyone watched at before? lol. me n my childishness. but ANYWAY. i shall study later. i MUST. which reminds me i have tuition today. sucky. argh. okayokay i must work hard. psychepsychepsyche.
fe will studyy~
yes! huzzah!

To watch from the sidelines
Scaling the parameter of normality
Is like eating your ice cream
Without the chocolate fudge.
Watching as others have the right
To what you can never have
As they are encouraged and buttered
And you are ignored and condemned
Rebel.
The word looms at the back of your mind
But you’re too tired.
Just too tired.
Because no one seems to care
No one understands it like you do
You starve from the lack
Of what you love the most
While the hope you hang on to
Slowly rusts and decays within you
Because the fast-flowing energy
Power and vitality
It swims away from you, drifts.
You reach out your hand, and it beckons you
But you slip through
And it falls away, calling
“Why?
Why won’t you take me?
Why do you let yourself die?
And listen to their lies?”
And you shake your head,
You feel like falling in
Crying.
You know your heart cries
And you know you cannot.
Because they have it and you don’t
They have the freedom
You were born to inherit.
The wars you fight scar
Hurt and break you apart
And you won’t fight back.
Can’t.
Not anymore.
You’re wings are too broken.
You are dead.


i haven't written poetry in ages. can that really
be defined as-- oh so ostentiously--
poetry?
i dont know. i just needed to vent all my frustration somewhere.
it sucks having my parents sometimes. its all these damn rules and restrictions. like a cage.
you're locked up and you watch everyone else fly by--free.
it hurts.
just because
they like maths and are obssessed with it.
does not mean i have to be. i live and breathe words, pictures, music.
i will die without books. and yet they forbid me to read, while everyone else revels in literary brilliance
i wither in the ground like a tree, sapped of its water and air and sunlight.
i cannot write.
they forbid me.
i cannot even study english when its an ENGLISH EXAM tomorrow.
and am forced to do math. which i will instinctively rebel against. because it is plain INSANE.
they value it so little. and yet expect me to do well for it, when i do not even get a chance to improve.
what the hell do they really want?
it would help if they just told me. because it is seriously getting on my nerves.
i want my freedom back.
where is it.

i FINALLY found some time to blog. props for fe! nyah.
right wadeva u goofball.
*gasp* im like talking to myself..typical fe-ness...
lalala.
uhm. right. sorry folks a bit out of mind today. like i am basically EVERYDAY. but hey.
i have actually been....
*holds breath and widens eyes*
studying
*insert scary music and solo piano*
alright alright. i shall endeavour to be vaguely sane and spare you.
yes well, i took a little break-- as is obvious-- to blog a bit. yep. so wads been goin on in mah boring and beyond life? well nothing much really. huiping's bdae wa son sunday, so i went to church again. haha. for some reason i was feeling damn tired...woke up earlyearlyearly to study and then lazed around with sunday morn cartoons like TEEN TITANS TEEN TITANS LETS GO!
-___-"

*ahems* yes. err was quite uneventful i guess...saw sam n jiayi ^_^ yep. kewei not dere...oh wells. mmm...bought yummyyummy choc cake for huiping and ate old chang kee. yar. den hung ard LJS for a while and was like a moron reading shouce with everyone gone. watashi baka-san. hai. arigatou gozaimasu.
haha. let's back track. went out with chee geok on staurday to buy pressie. erm, think it was too early and my brain was like kinda dysfunctional so i didn't talk very much. not dat i tlak that much on a regular basis. =P
meh.
church was fun. sermon was great...about OBEDIENCE. muah. and i was like totally in the place of haran. scary can? mm yep.
posted my story on fanfic net.
*dances*
guitar!! omg y am i sooo in love wif my guitar all of a sudden..must be dat damn gibson i saw in church T_T
wah. i want it. haha.
anyway wish me luck for music test on guitar tmr...hahas..quite confident lolx. ^__^
did i mention about a certain RI guy called acidic quill on ficpress? god, he writes trash, utter complete trash, and im not like being haughty or wadeva. it really IS trash. and his story put me to sleep pronto. so i flamed him. and he was like so bloody arrogant. i cant stand these type of people. who think they're sooo good. felt like slapping him. god. i dare him to flame me back. I JUST DARE HIM OKAY.
-__-
sorry....im feeling murderous.
MUG MUG MUG MUGGING MUGGING
oh yes!! mental note to SEND OUT MY CARDS PRONTO!!!
FE MUST REMEmBER FE OH DE FORGETFUL ONE HU HARDLY REMEmBERS
MUST REMEBmER
*slaps self thrice*
okay i think its quite well etched in my mind...=P

YAY!!!
i finally got 2nd book of xmen evo!!! yay yay yay!! *does gig around room and eats jellybeans*
^__^
and im not going to school tomorrow hahaha...im on MC again =P
maybe its a good thing? lol.
erps...i dun feel like blogging, only wanted to say how happy i am dat i found xmen evo !!! hahaha
okayokay i'll lay off. reading it makes me feel mor eenthu about my fic. yep. DRIVEN. =)
im de LIon of Truth!
althea is de Donkey of Honour!
hahaha....i think is cool lolx.
=D

i can take to the stars in a spaceship
jam like the jockey that i am
i can sing the aria of the sea
wash the shore of ivory sand
i could wield the blade of the immortal
cross the deserts in search of fame
but i'll never kill the shadow inside
if i don't call upon His name

can any man walk on water?
can any man heal a broken soul?
he took the nails and the broken cross
and now i'll take the stones

i can play the deepest music
and sing the fires of hell to sleep
i can shoot the moon with a silver bolt
and fall among the trees
i could win the heart of the prince of ice
and touch the heavens with the angels of stone
i could rule the sun the clouds the winds
and turn spring into winter cold

but can i walk on water?
can i heal a broken soul?
he took the nails and the broken cross
and now i'll take the stones

-----------------------------
young reckless on fire once a fighter always a fighter living for the truth. I wan to be the Lion of Truth.

DC Talk- Jesus Freak

[What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus Freak?
What will people do
When they find that's it's true?]

Separated, I cut myself clean
From a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams
Been apprehended by a spiritual force
And a grace that replaced all the me I've divorced

I saw a man with tat on his big fat belly
It wiggled around like marmalade jelly
It took me a while to catch what it said
Cause I had to match the rhythm
Of his belly with my head
'Jesus Saves' is what it raved in a typical tattoo green
He stood on a box in the middle of the city
And claimed he had a dream

(chorus)
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth

Kamikaze, my death is gain
I've been marked by my Maker
A peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak
Cause I won't live and die for the power they seek

There was a man from the desert with naps in his head
The sand that he walked was also his bed
The words that he spoke made the people assume
There wasn't too much left in the upper room
With skins on his back and hair on his face
They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate
The Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak
Until the king took the head of this Jesus freak

(repeat chorus 2x)

People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger

(repeat chorus 2x)

What will people think
[What will people think]
What will people do
[What will people do]
I don't really care
[What else can I say]
There ain't no disguising the truth
[Jesus is the way]

-------------------

look beyond the lyrics for the meaning of this song. it tells so much. dc talk rocks and dis song rocks.
i am a jesus freak nyah!~

blogspot is totally bitching and i sound like a surfer.=P
=(
i jus read vol5 of Ultimate Xmen...omg! quicksilver got killed by his own dad..and poor wanda was watching him get shot into pieces. i feel so sad!! pietro is one of my fave characters...
well anyway all this xmen stuff has given me some inspiration and guess wad? im gonna write an xmen story. =P yeah BOO to all u marvel-haters out dere! anyway it's an idea i had once when i was younger, about writing form the view of quicksiklver's daughter. i think its gonna be pretty interesting imagining my dad as a mutant and the son of the most notorious villain in xmen history..MAGNETO...muahahaha...
....
okok back to de programme. so i only figured her name is Luka, and her best friend is Devyn. erm the time will be in one of those millions of alternate realities. yeah, and pietro is STILL ALIVE...if not the story is gonna be boring.
so here i am back in my roots! xmen fic!
^__^
haha. anyways had a yummy lunch at jack's place....den went library and dad got me painter 8!!! happiness...cancelled guitar to day so i can "study"hahaz...found out that i onyl need to do 15 hours and not 30 *sticks tongue out at charlotte*
nyah.
oh yesh, like my re-do? dudes its like totally cool!!! we were like woah! and they were like WOAH! and we were like woooaahhhh....:)
isnt the turtle jus so cute!!!?? hahaha...
oh and de song is by Switchfoot. the surfer band. its Only Hope...i think its nice ^__^

i jus slacked de whole day away.
which means zero hours of studying for fe today. nada. zilch. one big fat 0.
yippee.
dad got a free projector and we just watched The Passion.
dat show is the only movie dat makes an embarassing prostrating sniffling slob out of me.
it's de second time i'm watching it and my eyes are still puffy, my nose still sniffles and my throat sounds constricted. i feel disgusting from all my crying.
i think i practically drenched my blanket with tears and stuff.
gen says its good. it means i still have a heart.
^__^
guess she's right.
anyway i was planning to like do some studying but that doesn't look too likely. i totally don't have the mood. i think i'll do some studying tomorrow. i'm pushing things off too much...i need to study i have to finish 30 hours by saturday. and do you know how much i've done? 3 hours on pathetic monday. which leaves a grand total of.....27 hours to be done by saturday....maybe i'll just go to church on sunday instead so that i can complete it..
=P
maybe i shall stay up late tonight to study. only question is what light duty studying do i actually have to do? argh...
it's ike 10 pm now and i have nothing interesting to blog about.

Lying Away From You
Lemme Take Back my Life now
No Turning Back Now

this song by linkin park. maria introed it to me.
strangely she's been the only person to make me think the whole night. i've been trying to think since 9 and finally i have a glint of hope.
what did i think of?

he was the bad guy. everyone was afraid of him and what he could do. he was dangerous and he was feared. they knew his past-- they spread rumors. he wants to make it right again, just once. he wanted to change how everyone thought of him. so he did soemthing he thought would give him what he wanted, but things didn;t work out that way. he lost more than he had to give. he wants his life back now.
Give Me My Life Back Now.

im pissed.
i mean it. dun udnerstand y eveyrone keeps blaming things on me.
stupid amuda say she was dere at 11 10 and we werent dere. wtf. u noe like janice n i were dere for god noes how long. we culdnt have missed her. and she doesnt even hav a bloody fone i cant even contact her in any way. some more we went back to look for her at like 12 and she wasnt dere lors. n she blames it all on me as if im de one wif no fone. as if im de one hu cant see two ppl i been seing the whole year.
stupid.
cant stand it.
like go n effing get a life.
dun get pissed at me jus cus u waited so long dere. its ur own bloody fault u dun hav anyway of being contacted. wad u expect us to do wait ard like morons for u. like hello.

argh.
okay dis is not helping me one damn bit.
anyway lets jus tok abt today.
went to taka after tuition, found we culdnt use de dman comps. so janice n i took off to lucky plaze to use de internet cafe to finish up de project. den we went macs for lunch and i bought dat lame sega toy...i was being damn immature today. okay..den erm we took mrt to city hall and went esplanade library. which SUCKS by the way. de books are boring n u have to pay 6 bucks per hour jus to use de damn vid room. n u have to get a premium membership to borrow videos. wth. yar anyway i listened to michelle branch n studied geog for like 2-3 hours..half de time smsing....den was tokkin to jamie n givin instructions when de annoying librarian kept aksin me to go out, cant use hp inside. i wa sos pissed off dat i ahd to run all de way out to tok on de fone den run back in again.
so effing lame .
yar.
den i zhaoed at abt 3 15 cuz jamie was buggin me to go find her. took mrt all de way back to yishun and hung ard ljs wif jamie. den we bought tix for 13 goin on 30....and went arcade. played all dose damn childish games like the table hockey thing, and bball, and junior bball n dat motorcycle nonsense. den jamie bought like 6 cups on instant noodles n 2 bags of chips, and i was like u look like u robbed a bank haha...cuz her duffel was damn fat..
den went mini toons and we both bought dat wrist thingy...she took a hippo n i took a piggy. den we paid n exchnaged it, and wrote each tohers name son de bottom...so lame! hahaha...
okies den met joanne and watched de movie..which was quite nice...yeah.
came home.
lost inspiration. writer's block.
arggghhh.
i need to write but my hand is shaking like hell.
damn it all.

watch the spectre as it dances about
swirling and twirling its astral ruote
ashes and flame,feathers and fire
reaching from furnace to heaven's spire
is this the way i am to go
falling into the heat however will i know
has He brought me here only to say
let the flame of heaven eat you away
where is your faith, oh little one
cries the voice from above
is there no other voice
but my love?
the kings and the eyes
upon my back sear
they expect me to die
or they expect me to kneel
what will it be, their silent voice speaks
fall into the fire, or fall to your feet
my God, ruler of the skies and the doves
He who made the sun shine on this darkened earth
if You have brought so far to this land
then now i will trust the touch of Your hand
i fall into the fire, into the embers burning deep
no tear shall i strangle no voice shall i weep
i feel not the ashes as they swirl in their dust
nor the fear on their faces as they fail to stand fast
He came as a lion, an angel
a dove
And with His mighty hand
i glimpsed the Above

imagine being thrust into a babylonian king's court, being made to bow before his self-absorbed image and then thrown into a furnace because you believed in something he didn't.

can i say MY LIFE RAWKS?
okay not really...
but some nice things fe has in her life:

1)no more tests
2)no school for one week
and3) NO TRAINING next week ^__^
4)church rawks! pst ulf eckman tape at BS on sat..
5)inspiration for story
6)great books to read...
7)cute pic to cg
8) ale's not goin to vj ^__^nya!!
9) sudden outburst of frens.....
and 10) err....IN THE SHADOWS MP3 FILE DOWNLOADED FOREVER

^__^
okay...im offcially insane lalala...maui! hmph. on de other hand a bit heavy headed. im not gonna do too well for my chinese test. no scrap that, im just trying to be bottled....it sucked. i feel like im gonna flunk again. alethea's prob not goin vj. i feel...confused, even mor ethan before. im happy..at leats i got someone similar enuf to me...but then she dint get what she hoped for for so long...is it right for me to feel happy? because...although i get compelled to feel great, i never end up doing so....i dunno but she's been a bit down and tired and...dry...and i guess im worried. im not at being a comforting fren n everything. i cant be tender. i end up joking and trying to lift the blue n grey away....its not working this time dammit. it jus isnt. i cant stand her being like dis. i've been avoiding her...it hurts to say so but i have. i jus dunno wad to do so i do nothing. thats what i hate so much about myself. when it comes down to it im as cold as ice inside. i cant sympathize n i hate me n myself for it so much...
one of my best frens is down n out n all i do is try to make her smile. its not god damn enuf.

gen is depressed too. i cant believe how useless its making me feel....everyone falls apart around me and all i do is watch and laugh and seem so superficial. am i so locke dup in my own world i've become the true Ice Queen deep inside?

if you had called me an ice queen or lady of darkness any other day i'd have taken it as a compliment.
but now it doesnt make me feel any better, it doesnt put my heart to rest and it doesnt stop the hurt. like what lauri from The Rasmus says, i wont stop hurting till i find the cure for this cancer...its eating my up inside. i wish i hadnt wanted to be dark now, i want to be light i want to be beauty and angelic ethereal brilliance...im tired of being the fallen....im tried of being the dark...i'm tired of fading to black, of being the dark african moth....

i dont wanna be ice queen anymore.