here it is. my dawggz...my rockin twoo aaaaa....^^
rock the world.
rock your hearts.

-pet avalanche whom we all adore!



-our uno stack!! dats amu's leg and my shoelace.haha



-amu in da toilet. eck.



-rockin TBs! luvya...



-best royal fam ever!



-back-of-da-class slackers...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dats abt all i find interesting now. waiting for tinetine to send me da entire class pic wif miss thang in it ^__^
i look retarded in da two pix wif amu...mehehehe...

okay after yesterday's rant
i'm gonna be a bit more lighthearted...
yep. today was da last day of school!
*dies*
-_-
alright so im being moronic. go me. anyway,
the yearbook was a pretty big hit. lets all commend maria and all the typers for their hardwork...and also for poor maria hu had to carry 41 books to sch! LOLs....and of course great and wonderful ME for doing up the borders and the cover page...i hope u galz liked it...
i managed to get everyone's note in my autograph pages...yeah baybeh...do i rock or do i rock?
hahha...
okay on a more serious note,
last day of sch was decidedly sad.
in some ways...but not really for me...for some reason i dint wanna cry...i jus seemed even more smiley and happy than usual. dunno...i mean of dis is da last day u gonna see all ur frens, y u putting on a sad face and tears?...call me insensitive..maybe dats wat i am..a mindless souless walking corpse.yippee.
had training. and somebody*glares pointedly at jamie* told everyone my dog died...lol..im not realli angry..actually it felt good to noe i wasnt abnormal for feeling so pissed...yep. thanks y'all...throwers are teh roxxors...! ^__^
so after training--which was pretty easy going--jamie n haiyun n i were in da canteen to waste time away...den dey were like wow...cool yearbook!! hahas...n jamie said dat our class was actually really united...0_o....maybe its true lolx. aniway, jamie cried! *insert evil laugh*
okay im being mean.
but den i jus thought...abt the TBs...it was actually really sad for them. they totallt got split up..maria in cedar, tine in vjc, lena in tjc...i mean, they're like some of the closest and best frens i ever seen..life seems really unfair to just point them totalli different ways...it got me thinking..maybe it was because everyone i was close to was still in the same school, still near by...maybe i AM just a stupid mindless souless walking corpse...

alright.waTever..im so retarded i surprise myself. im jsu tired now and preparing to go escape wif kwek ale n amu tmr...but before i disappear, a short note to all 2Aians...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

u gals mean so much more to me than u could ever noe. being unenthu,un-united,PAI,badly behaved and overall the "worst 2a ever" has made me love u so much! we rocked the whole cedar history and u dudettes just rock for that alone. i love our messy classroom, our loud voices, our dun-listen-to-prefectness, our every-morning-copy-hw, our always-gettin-teachers-angry tendencies...they all are jus so special..nv had a class like u galz before! i wish we all could jus go on together, that the TBs wuldnt part, or thaT the royal fam wuldnt disperse...
i want to have the true blues constantly being annoying, the royal fam royal in all their royalty, the study club from which we can all borrow notes, the slackers and rockers, the msn-ruling peeps, the noisy dudettes, the complete lamers, the retards....everyone! man...how much im gonna miss the messy familiarity of our classroom, the endless noise and ppl copying stuff....hahas....cant imagine life in anoda class...no one can ever replace 2A!!!
yep. jus wanted to say i'll miss u galz so much. u changed my life forever and i luvvies!! ^__^
and to everyone who has stuck by me, to all those i n=knew from the first day of shcool till now, for frenz hu noe how to hav fun tgt, for ppl hu i can trust...for all the 2Aians hu rock ass...
dis is for you.
rock the world
rock your hearts.

its been another day
of big fake smiles and stupid lies.
amber died last night.
stupid doctors.
stupid pet sellers
hate them.
i want to just call them
and yell at them
what the hell u trying to do?
my dog died because u dint even see she was sick.
u stupid moronic assholic idiots.
u dare call urselves doctors.
u dare sell pets
when u dun even care for them.
u stupid ignorant cruel disgusting fucking bastards.
go to frikkin hell and just screw urselves.
shes dead dammit.
how can she be dead?
she was so young..a puppy for god's sakes..
how could you just let her die?
i miss her
ive only had her a week
and i miss her so much
life is so unfair.
so damn unfair.
i look at her cage, folded up, her collar sitting quietly
her water bowl, still around the house
her basket of food
everything that i loved about her
her picture is on my phone in my wallet
all i can think of is her
because i miss her and i love her
and i wish she were still here
i wish it so badly.
i miss seeing her stare at me with her round eyes,
look pathetic with her floppy ears
whine when i walk away and cuddle in my legs when i take her
i miss wlaking her, hoping some day to see her
grown
beautiful.
but all that is gone. her hopes her dreams all she could've been
taken away
snuffed out just.like.that.
my amber
i miss you so much.
ur the only dog i will ever love truly.
i want to go out there and shoot down everyone who wronged you
i want you back here with me
but will this bring you back?
will all my bawling, my tears, my pain, my love
all the wishing i do, all the broken hopes i nurse
will it bring you back, amber?
no.
nothing will ever bring you home again.

He felt dead again. How could he have repeated the same mistake time after time? All he wanted to do was make his dad proud, not to let him down anymore. And here he was again, no matter how hard he tried it always came back to the same thing. He thought of the pathetic grade he had gotten on his papers, and his entire heart sank like an anchor. He didn't feel like telling his dad-- god, he didn't feel like telling anyone at all. He just wanted to sit in a dark corner somewhere and just curl up and die. Life suddenly lost its technicolour sheen. After only four days into his freedom, his joy, he had to put up with the heaviness in his heart that forebode the time when he would have to tell his dad, face the disappointment. He would never admit it to anyone, but it hurt everytime he let him down. But he couldn't help it. Sometimes, he felt his father demanded so much more from him than he had to give.

His passion, his dreams and hopes lay within the wood of a Squier Stratocaster, sitting in a corner and dying to be plugged into its amp. He wrote songs ever so easily, words and emotions flowing like a river form the tips of his fingers. That wa sall he wanted to do in his life-- to make music and change the world. And then he had to be sent off to some prep school in the suburban county, where everyone was so incredibly smart and proper that he stuck out like a black rose among the red. The teachers hated him and told him he would never amount to anything, the other students were afraid of him or were too snobbish to even bother. He felt like he was stuck in prison, bolted down by manacles and chains.

He couldn't survive in this hell-hole any longer. Life was about studying and grades, and he just couldn't live with that. He was a rebel born to an exceptionally rich family, and he wished sometimes he wasn't. Everyone had such enormous expectations of him-- be a doctor, a lawyer, a lecturer. All he ever wanted to be was the guitarist in his band, to shake the world with what he was born to do. Instead, he was confined in th cage, the box which told him that he must become something he was sure he was not, and it was killing him inside. The stress, the stupid failure of working his brain to mush and yet not getting anything out of it-- it stung him and hurt him. He felt like just giving up entirely and dorppign out of this stupid school and living a normal life, where fun wasn't alien.

But then there would be his dad, the pain of letting him down, of not growing up according to his plan. It felt suddenly so empty, and he felt so alone. The heaviness in his heart was accompanied by a withering hope and pur loneliness, and he wished he could just shut his eyes and disappear soemwhere else, or wake up in someone else's body. He wished and wished and hoped and dreamed and screamed, the sound of his voice drowned out by the sound of the radio. For all his fake, stupid smiles and outer-calm, it hid how he bled like a wounded animal deep inside. He felt like he was ready to just break down and die right then and there. There had been people who told him to jst relax, just not think about it and have hope for everything else. When they said it, when his life got chucked up with other things, the hurt seemed muted, the burden seemed just that bit lighter. But then he stopped and just threw himself violently back into the reality of it all, and he felt sore and dead all over again.

No matter what happened, what had been said, how he tried to tell himself he had done his best and nothing can change. No matter how mcuh consolation he gave himself, he still felt as good as the trash in the road-- torn, broken, forgotten forever.

After all, everything's still messed up.

i have eaten half a can of
jumpy's kangaroo snacks
and now feel stuffed and
sick.
waiting for sunday mornin toonz to start. and i hope it does
pronto.
because i am seriously getting very very very bored. as in
sianded
bored. bored to the point of
going-to-frenster-writing-testimonials-visitng-deviantart-over-n-over-agn
bored.
hurrumph.
death day is tomorrow.
i am preparing my cofifn for tomorrow.
it has black silk and ebony wood, and a glass top.
the undertaker hasn't dressed me up yet, but the wreaths have been made.
i am destined to die at approximately 8am tomorrow. wanna come and watch?
venue of death is cedar girls' secondary school, sports hall.
be there if you care.

i just got a call from girl-yi in canada. karl says i shld come over and live with her.
i want to..
den i dont need to die tomorrow.
but well, like what mary logan says.
we don't get to choose what colour we're born, where we're born, or whether we're rich or poor. we only chose what we get to do with our lives.
wise words..
=(
unfortunately
remember that foreboding i felt before science?
the goosebumpish oh-no-something-bad-is-gonna-happen
feeling?
its back again.
i can expect the worst tomorrow. such as failing science, math and chinese. passing geog n hist wif b3s. passing eng n lit wif a2s.
or even worse than that.
like i said
i make a great seer.

i hencefourth declare this day
FUN =)
haha....why u ask? why?

ITS OVER EYES ARE FINALLY OVVVEERRRRR!!!!!

omg..i feel like someone just cut the rope linking me and
studying.
^__^
i feel so free, and its only 5 minutes into my freedom, and im already bored..boo.
but den again, i only have 4 more days till my funeral.
on 18th october.
pls attend it. u may wear any colour u like, as long as it isn't pink.
for my fellow die-ers, i shall send u a wreath or two. see u in heaven.
right..okay lets not think abt the results part of my life, and how dey r bound to suck.
anyway....
today went out with tinetine,lena,maria,shir,aruna and amu.
was fun hahaha...amu n i were being anti-social at first. listening to our mp3. den we decided to be nice. go us! lol. yeah...we went to cineleisure and actually were sppse 2 eat BK. den amu n i got so sick of waiting for de damn girls in front of us, we went to KFC to eat. and in KFC, we frickin had to wait for a grp of damn booys. argh..like watever. yeah so i got popcorn chicken meal, and culdnt even finish either. i choked on a piece of damn popcorn chicken, and while tinetine n lena were like fefe r u okay? amuda was laffin n lafifn n laffin like a maniac and she was sitting nearest to me=P stupid ass la....
haha. anyway after dat we were sppse 2 go buy tix for whit chicks, but detoured to sembawang music for a while. while de rest got de tix(or spent abt ten mins deciding wat show to watch) amu n i walked round the arcade dere..which is suckily small may i add. after getting tiks we all headed to heeren. maria n i went tower rec n found the mcfly calendar n she influenced me into getting it ahhaa...i just realised dat harry mcfly is cute. LOL....
ookk...watever lol. we wtached white chicks den. hahaha omg damn funny show REALLY DAMN FUNNY...i was almost falling off the chair. den amuda n i were singing all da songs, and making alot of noise..goin omg...
haha. n i now hate the song thousand miles by vanessa carlton. when u watch the show u'll noe hahaha...

anyway, after the show we split ways. maria tine lena n runa(shirlyn went to meet her fren) went maria's place n amu n i went suntec. yep. den walked ard lookin at clothes n cds n stuffies. haha wanted to get dat chain thingy belt watever lah... no money after the calendar tho hahas...den went this fashion n got dared to wear a damn skirt..omg..cant believe i did...it makes me damn freaked to think i actually did...hahas..
well meetin sam tmr n amu if she can come. im feeling tired after goin ard and stuffies...shall stop my entry here..
cheers ppl. celebrate the End of Exams!
=)

omg
maths paper was like..
WOOSHH..!!
i was SO expecting it to be WAYYY harder than this..
i was expecting to see the questions
and not noe ad da hell to do.
but NOOOO. it was DOABLE.
OMG
its like
DIVINE INTERVENTION or something....
i mean, seriously
i went in there
expecting
to flunk
flop
fail
go blank like i did for science.
but NOOO. section b was bloody easy..omg..
and sect a was at least doable..
im like so happy now! omg..
can feel all dat tension, all da longing..
everything just falling away.
i prac consider the exams over...
even tho deres stil a lit paper tmr
but
hey
WHO CARES/
omg...^__^
^________________^
IM SO HAPPY.

i think i make
a great seer.
rmb when i said
something bad was gonnahappen today?
i was so fucking right.
whole science paper. prac dint noe wad was happening.
mind went blanco-blank.
culd hardly think of a dman thing.
was flipping like a mad girl. and everyone was so relaxed.
fucking relaxed
goddamit. after the xam, i just kept quiet.
felt all stony.
and fucked up. because basically the exam was a fuck up.
dint feel much better. avoided the janicealecassk preps.
culdnt stand feleing stupid anymore
i guess. they prob aced it
and i dint need to feel any dumber thna i felt right then.
anyway. went back to class. and studied with amu n maria. we were so fuckign stressed and pissed.
cuz we felt demoralised. cuz of fuckign science. ..
and dis is wat happened.

maria: i bet amoudtha wished she was in the 'fucking era'
fefe: haha yeah she totally would want to sit there and just fuck
amoudtha : pls lor! i won't stand there and just fuck. stupid fucking racial riots. the chinese ppl are fucking stupid
fefe: HEY! helloo? im chinese. man chinese ppl arent fucking stupid
maria: yeah if there's anyone fucking annoying its indians dude. racial riots between chinese and malays, and you fucking guys just sit there and watch us fight.
amoudtha : yeah so what. at least i dont go fucking fight. we indians allowed u guys to fight while we fucked others to increase sgp's population
maria: yeah and u know what i fucking noticed? indians were sari's yeah. they're fuck-friendly. see, u just lift it up and fuck.
fefe: HAHAHAHA fuck friendly. saris are totally fuck friendly
amoudtha: hellooo you think you malays are so good. your baju kurung's also fuck friendly
maria: dude, i'm fucking eurasian. not fucking malay
fedora :fuck friendly.. HAHAHAHAHA
amoudtha : fuck you maria
maria : fuck you lah amoudtha *sticks tongue out* you two fefe. fuck ya.
fefe : oh shut up maria. fuck u
amoudtha: these are my fucking notes and im off.
fefe and maria :FUCKING HELL AMOUDTHA COME BACK WITH THE FUCKING NOTES
amoudtha : nah fuck you
maria : No fucking hell you fucking bitch. come back mofo!
fefe: we need to fucking memorise or we'll fucking fail the fucking history test like the fucking science test.
all of us: HAHAHAHA. let's fucking memorise it.

meh. i bet we were fucking loud. and eveyrone was fucking staring. i culdnt fucking care neither. it wa sfucking funny..we were laughhing. i just realised that when ur extremely depressed and icy, u tend to go insane and laugh. like when u cry when ur happy. another paradox.
its rainign now...fits my mood i guess. i cna hear the thudner..calling to me from far away...i wanna feel the rain onmy face, soaking through...
maybe then. i can get a fucking life.

cigarettes and rum in hand a little bag to sell
I am the son of a bitch and Edgar Allen Poe
Race to the city in the hail of light
But ain't it worth it that we've been victimized
I'm the patron saint of the denial
With an angel face and a taste for suicidal

green day-ish now. trala. they're a great band. haha with alot of fuck n stuff in their songs. but oh heck. rflects my feelings so well sometimes....
anyway. science and history papers tmr. feeling kinda freaked. and i suddenly regret not studying harder. dunno. ain it strange for me to do dat? lol.
u noe, i just realised how i always say lol and never really mena it. lol is suppose to mean laugh out loud right? funny thing is dat i use it most often when i dont feel like laughing at all. paradox.
life is full of paradoxes. doxi. erm. watever the plural for paradox is.
i feel. yeah. strange, i;m tlaking strange too. i've been saying dude too much.
and. oh watever.
i just dunno wat to say anymore. everything seems fucked up. not in a pissed-off sense, but in a confused sense. i mean, its like im suddenly feeling so afraid of tmr, and yet i dun feel like studying. its like there isnt anything to study anymore. i did da file n da tb n da wbk n da notes n hist text too. everything seems covered. yet i feel so damn unprepared. i kepe getting dat feelin im gonna flop again tmr. its bloody freaking me out okay.

argh. i need to have more faith dammit. how can i doubt god so much? this isnt even chinese we're talking abt, its science and history. my mediocre subjects in which i can do vaguely alright. why am i so frickin scared? argh. i feel disgusted with myself. i feel tired too. really really tired for some dumb reason. just feel like lounging around the rest of the day. 6 more days and all this can finally end.
i think i'm gonna think abt somethign else.
maria is goin for da alicia keys concert now. oh blah to her. so unfair. im stuck at home. fuck. argh. well watever. nancy just went for her art class. double blah. nancy lives in holland n has a great guy n is gonna get married soon n has a home on her own n her parents r ncie n shes studying deisgn n she has money to go for art classes. one day i'll write a song about her. i dunno just feel like it. it would make...a good song.
my mum is being idiotic again. bugging me to studystudystudy again. and study math at dat. like watever. i cant study, i'll just panic myself even more. i'll be like memorise memorise memorise until my brain overloads and turns to mush. i think i;m going to draw n write some nonsense to try and get back to normal again.
well i'll blog a bit about school. this entry is ridiculously long.

yeah. school has been alright i guess. amira,amuda,me,ger all joined tables. at first binsan n kk were joined too, but all the teachs got pissed n told us to move. so annoying, neway its amu mirar me n ger. yep. its fun sitting dere ahha. cuz mirar is crap and amuda is nonsense n im a lamer. so taa. and ger is incredibly lame. haha. n muda n i r always on mp3 when deres no teach...and always singing. haha...ever since sitting wif amu i been hanging out w her more. dunno y...she influenced me n now im as sick as her...omg...n im beginning to get more n more fucking vulgar. erh. yep....im going daft punk oh my god....seriously. i went to cut my hair shorter n guy-ishly. tho dere ain much diff.
yeah.
anyway bottom line is dat i cant wait for exams to end so i can go wild. n i cant wait to move to dhoby(church) n YOUTH CAMP..wootz...
im gonna totally go rad if my mum doesnt let me go out after lit exam. i swear i will scream. blah.
ok dis is getting too damn long.

a short post.
exams are ending next week!
and i'm going to cut my hair today...XD
well i better study hard
since
my chinese was a flop.
must work hard!!
=(
mug time. rereading my super old fic the one with viol in it.
and
its surprisingly interesting
clement said i shld continue it...maybe i will after the exams...
amuda is goin to arcade wif me after examS! huzzzah....
oh and i got my new CREATIVE mp3 PLAYER
^___^
niceness. yayness.nyah!
hahas.
im insane. dun mind me...must b all dis stress...and sititng wif amuda too long liaox. im getting corrupted okay. as in sick. dirty haha. seriously. its outrageous u would never believe how sick i'm beocming...=P dats wat u get from sitting wif corrupted folks. and my vocabulary is getting very wide
=P
lolx...well...after spending ages on dis damn template im off to study
toodles. happy mugging peeps.