can i say MY LIFE RAWKS?
okay not really...
but some nice things fe has in her life:

1)no more tests
2)no school for one week
and3) NO TRAINING next week ^__^
4)church rawks! pst ulf eckman tape at BS on sat..
5)inspiration for story
6)great books to read...
7)cute pic to cg
8) ale's not goin to vj ^__^nya!!
9) sudden outburst of frens.....
and 10) err....IN THE SHADOWS MP3 FILE DOWNLOADED FOREVER

^__^
okay...im offcially insane lalala...maui! hmph. on de other hand a bit heavy headed. im not gonna do too well for my chinese test. no scrap that, im just trying to be bottled....it sucked. i feel like im gonna flunk again. alethea's prob not goin vj. i feel...confused, even mor ethan before. im happy..at leats i got someone similar enuf to me...but then she dint get what she hoped for for so long...is it right for me to feel happy? because...although i get compelled to feel great, i never end up doing so....i dunno but she's been a bit down and tired and...dry...and i guess im worried. im not at being a comforting fren n everything. i cant be tender. i end up joking and trying to lift the blue n grey away....its not working this time dammit. it jus isnt. i cant stand her being like dis. i've been avoiding her...it hurts to say so but i have. i jus dunno wad to do so i do nothing. thats what i hate so much about myself. when it comes down to it im as cold as ice inside. i cant sympathize n i hate me n myself for it so much...
one of my best frens is down n out n all i do is try to make her smile. its not god damn enuf.

gen is depressed too. i cant believe how useless its making me feel....everyone falls apart around me and all i do is watch and laugh and seem so superficial. am i so locke dup in my own world i've become the true Ice Queen deep inside?

if you had called me an ice queen or lady of darkness any other day i'd have taken it as a compliment.
but now it doesnt make me feel any better, it doesnt put my heart to rest and it doesnt stop the hurt. like what lauri from The Rasmus says, i wont stop hurting till i find the cure for this cancer...its eating my up inside. i wish i hadnt wanted to be dark now, i want to be light i want to be beauty and angelic ethereal brilliance...im tired of being the fallen....im tried of being the dark...i'm tired of fading to black, of being the dark african moth....

i dont wanna be ice queen anymore.